Baby Blues

I had the privilege of holding my friend's brand new baby boy today. As I sat there holding this 7 lbs of perfectness (word? :)) I couldn't help but think about having more babies. I think about this quite often but I always try to think of something else as this is a very touchy subject for me. I'm not ready to be done having babies. SMA has taken that away from me. I couldn't bear the thought of giving this to another one of my babies. The risk is too high for me. I still can't get the thought out of my mind though. I always dreamt of having lots of little ones running around. Paul and I had decided we wanted 3 or 4. Well, that isn't a possibility for us anymore. I get jealous of seeing people and their healthy babies. As bad as that sounds, it's true. I want that for us. I want to actually be happy when I see positive on a pregnancy test. When we found out about Zoe it was right in the middle of trying to figure out what was wrong with Zion. It was a rough 9 months. All I could think about then we found out about SMA was if my unborn baby had it as well. I do not want to go through the torture of that again. ANYWAY, just needed to vent real fast. :) On to happier news! Paul's parents got Zion his first tricycle today!! My father in law is very creative and is so good at adapting things for Zion to be able to use.

He was SO excited to be able to finally ride his very own bike. :) I had a breakdown right in the middle of Target after we found out about his diagnosis. As most of you know Zion is obssessed with Toy Story and we happened to see a Toy Story tricycle. I couldn't help but think how my baby is never gonna be able to do that. Every SINGLE time we go to Walmart and pass the bikes he begs for one and I have to figure out a way to tell him no. It brought tears to my eyes as I saw my sweet baby boy being able to sit on a bike and feel like he was riding it himself. The bike is made so whoever is pushing can stear as well as Zion. That way he doesn't run into anything. :) Which I'm sure he would never do, but just in case! lol So today started off a little rough for me but my gloom soon turned into sunshine :) Zion tends to be able to do that for me. I see someone else's perfect baby and I get jealous. Then I look at my PERFECT baby and all is well in the world again. <3