Baby Blues

I had the privilege of holding my friend's brand new baby boy today. As I sat there holding this 7 lbs of perfectness (word? :)) I couldn't help but think about having more babies. I think about this quite often but I always try to think of something else as this is a very touchy subject for me. I'm not ready to be done having babies. SMA has taken that away from me. I couldn't bear the thought of giving this to another one of my babies. The risk is too high for me. I still can't get the thought out of my mind though. I always dreamt of having lots of little ones running around. Paul and I had decided we wanted 3 or 4. Well, that isn't a possibility for us anymore. I get jealous of seeing people and their healthy babies. As bad as that sounds, it's true. I want that for us. I want to actually be happy when I see positive on a pregnancy test. When we found out about Zoe it was right in the middle of trying to figure out what was wrong with Zion. It was a rough 9 months. All I could think about then we found out about SMA was if my unborn baby had it as well. I do not want to go through the torture of that again. ANYWAY, just needed to vent real fast. :) On to happier news! Paul's parents got Zion his first tricycle today!! My father in law is very creative and is so good at adapting things for Zion to be able to use.

He was SO excited to be able to finally ride his very own bike. :) I had a breakdown right in the middle of Target after we found out about his diagnosis. As most of you know Zion is obssessed with Toy Story and we happened to see a Toy Story tricycle. I couldn't help but think how my baby is never gonna be able to do that. Every SINGLE time we go to Walmart and pass the bikes he begs for one and I have to figure out a way to tell him no. It brought tears to my eyes as I saw my sweet baby boy being able to sit on a bike and feel like he was riding it himself. The bike is made so whoever is pushing can stear as well as Zion. That way he doesn't run into anything. :) Which I'm sure he would never do, but just in case! lol So today started off a little rough for me but my gloom soon turned into sunshine :) Zion tends to be able to do that for me. I see someone else's perfect baby and I get jealous. Then I look at my PERFECT baby and all is well in the world again. <3

Just some thoughts...

So lately I've been having some down days, just thinking how I can't believe my baby has an incurable disease. Well, tonight there was a rally to pray for a little boy named Tripp. I highly recommend you read his mom's blog. It is definitely a tear jerker, but is worth reading. It really makes you think about how good most of us have it. Yes, my baby has a incurable disease, but I still have my baby. He's not going anywhere ANY time soon. I have to worry about him getting sick and being hospitalized, but he doesn't have the daily struggles that sweet baby Tripp has. He is in pain. I can't imagine going through that and I truly admire his momma for being so strong. I haven't ever met her, but I can tell through her blogs that she is an incredible woman. Someone I look up to. Before I go on and start bragging on my Zs, please say a prayer for Tripp and Courtney as they journey through this tough time. <3


So on to my Zs.....I cannot believe Miss Z will be turning 1 in 2 months :( It's very sad, but I'm very much enjoying watching her reach milestones I never got to experience with Zion. She is so very close to walking, but she's such a fast crawler! lol...here are a few of her 1 year pics (Yes I know I started early! :) We have a lot coming up so I wanted to get them out of the way)

                                                                          Beautiful Girl!

Big girl :)

<3 my Zs

Zion will be getting his stander soon!!! Hoping it's sometime this week, but I'm not sure. It is going to be great! I cannot wait! He has been doing SO good! I was getting a little worried when yesterday he woke up from his nap and his heartrate was a little high and then last night his pulse ox alarm kept going off. That is until tonight we hooked him up and noticed the cat had gotten ahold of the cord! So we changed it to a new one and now his numbers are good :) Thank goodness. He's been on a healthy streak so lets hope it continues! Well, I think that is all for now. Just thought I'd update you a little. Even though all of you are on Facebook and know everything I just said. :) Just felt like blogging a bit since I haven't in awhile. Thanks for stopping by!

Family Pictures and the 4th!

This year we got the most incredible gift.....Carole Thornburg offered to take time out of her busy schedule to capture the most precious moments of our Zs. We haven't even seen all of the pictures yet and I was in tears looking through them. They are perfect. Here is a little preview :)

                           This is my favorite <3

                                                              

                   This little boy is my hero <3

                           Beautiful Zoe

This week we also celebrated our first 4th of July as a family of 4. :) It was perfect. Paul had the day off so we spent it as a family and then that night we spent it with wonderful friends. I can't wait for more holidays as a family! <3