So since I last blogged two huge things have happened. We got into a car accident that totaled our van. :( We were very lucky to walk away with only a few minor injuries. We were all taken to the ER, but were only there for a few hours and got to go home to recover. Poor Zoe had a black eye, Zion had a scratch on his face and his carseat had flown to the other side, it WAS strapped in, I swear! Paul thought he had broken his arm and possibly his leg, but thankfully they were just sprained, and I had a face and liver contusion, bruised from head to toe. Here is a pic:
With the help of some amazing in-laws, we got another van last night! Thank goodness. It was a rough few weeks without a van to be able to transport Zion in his wheelchair. Thankfully, that is all behind us.
Today we went to Cincinnati to find out if Z needs surgery for his scoliosis and/or Chiari malformation. Ortho said he didn't think he should have the surgery on his back quite yet. He wants to wait til the curvature gets a little worse. So when he's about 4 or 5 he says. That was GREAT news!
Then we went to see neurosurgery....he couldn't tell us if he needed to operate until he reviews his very first MRI that was done of his complete spine when he was 16mo old, to see if he has an excess of spinal fluid. If he does they will operate right away. Hopefully that will show that everything is ok. If everything is fine we follow up with him in a year to see if it has gotten worse. So it's not terrible news, but definitely not the news we wanted. I wanted to hear that everything was fine and my baby does not need surgery on his brain. :'(
I just feel so overwhelmed. Today gave me some relief, but not what I needed. I need something to go right. I would like something that is this major to just go right for us. I can't keep hearing bad news. Emotionally and physically I just cannot keep doing this. I was finally getting to the point where I don't cry everytime I tell people my baby has SMA. Now I have to add Chiari malformation and epilepsy to the list. As much as I know I can't handle much more, it hurts me more to see my baby going through all of this. I wish I could take his pain away. I wish I was the one going through countless tests to see what else was wrong. It seems like every single time we go to the dr anymore something else is going on. I hate seeing people in Walmart and them asking me what is wrong with him. I hate having to say "He can't walk. This is his wheelchair. NOT a cute little stroller." It breaks my heart to say it everytime. I hate having to have the certain kind of vehicle because if we don't we can't even go anywhere where he would be able to be mobile. I know I need to be strong, but I created this blog so I could vent. Please don't think any less of me for doing so. Everyone needs to vent once in a while. I am trying so very hard to stay strong for my family, but it is getting so hard. I just want to cry....all the time. Well, I will stop for tonight. I need to get it together before I have to wake up and do this all again tomorrow.
Thank you all so much for your prayers. It truly means a lot to us. Please continue to pray for my baby and please add me to the list. We need a miracle and I need strength. <3
